This video is one that was put together with the best of intentions. It's supposed to be a Wii related public service announcement. All the usual trappings are there... Official sounding voices, etc... I don't want to give away the ending for you, but some guy gets hit in the face with a Wii remote. Wii movies are starting to get like Terrance and Phillip cartoons to be honest.
So far, this is all pretty standard fare, until out of nowhere our URL shows up. For me, this was the surprise ending of the century. Let's be clear, I am not a vaguely Asian guy with a smooth and dulcet voice. I don't even know these guys, but I like their patronizing effort to seduce me with a URL reference.
When animals attack! Except, this is in reverse. More like, when people beat the living piss out of animals with a Wii remote. Innocent girlfriend Bobi explains...
"My boyfriend and I just bought a Wii and new leather furniture. While my boyfriend and I were playing Wii, our roommates's cat, Cracker, jumped up and clawed the back of the new furniture. My boyfriend went to grab Cracker by the scruff of the neck and toss him off so he wouldn't hurt the furniture. Unfortunetly, my boyfriend forgot that the Wiimote was attached to his wrist. When he grabbed Cracker, the Wiimote did a complete 360 around his wrist and smacked Cracker on the leg.
Cracker was limping and whining, so we called the vet and after x-rays found out that Cracker needed surery for a broken leg. The ball inbetween his joints had to be removed and fitted with one the vet had made for him.
A partially shaved cat, stitches ,an Elizabethan collar, and $512.00 later, Cracker is on a six week road to recovery and will be good as new afterwards. The Wiimote is undamaged, as for our household Wiitards, well let's just say wii are a lot more observant."
Cracker seems to be shaking it off ok. Five hundred bucks for hip replacement seems a little much though. Last time I checked you could replace the whole damn cat for a lot less than that.
The French are known for many things, and this particular French woman is trying to make a name for herself as a violent Wii player. Observe what her husband has to say...
"This moody girl is my wife. I guess she looked like this because instead of beating me on the wii tennis court, she blew up by accident the " happy cows" glass she has just bought two hours before. I have to say she always had a wrenching backhand... and an iron fist ! The wiimote didn't touch the glass at all. It has been desintegrated by the back of her fist. Pieces of glass flew through the whole living-room. She hasn't been hurt and dindn't feel anything. She uses to say she'll hit me hard if I ever betray her one day. Frightening !
You can see the bottom of the glass which remained exactly where it was shattered by her hand. A karate master wouldn't have done better. Blown up by a powerful backhand. We can barely see the rests of some once happy cows on the three biggest pieces remaining." -Christian
I'm not 100% clear on what the "Happy Cows" are. Maybe something French, maybe an advertising ploy for the California Dairy Association. At any rate, I think it's safe to say that their influence in this particular French home has suffered a setback. All thanks to the wicked backhand of a woman possessed of Wii passion.
The Danes are continuing the break stuff as is the rest of the world. Today it's their own fingers being damaged. That's right, the nation that reminds American white trash that Copenhagen is more than just a brand of smokeless tobacco, has sent us pictures of a broken lamp and finger.
"I've had my Wii for 3 weeks now. I've been playing just long enough to discover that you can do some cool moves in Wii sports, tennis. High underhand balls, smashes and screw-balls. I was practicing the screw-balls with great empathy and excitement. Suddenly I bang the Wiimote up in my ceiling lamp which is made of glass, and cut my index finger all the way to the bone.
God thanks my girfriend was home when it happened. She's a nurse and managed to stop the bleeding within 20-30 minutes and got my finger stitched back together with some medical staples/strips.
Right now the only regrets and frustrations is caused by the fact that I'll have to wait for my finger to get well enough to start playing again." -David from Denmark
Dave, that sounds dangerous, and I too am glad that your medically affiliated girlfriend was on hand.
The classic thing about this picture is the impressive play by play that steve has written to us. This is something that you can't describe as lengthy or even grammatically correct...
"we were play wii sports the baseball game. my buddy brian is the one in the pic. we were drinking bud light and doin shots of jager. we were a couple hours deep of drinkin. -steve"
"Drinking bud light and doin shots of jager." I don't think I'm exaggerating to say that the world would be a better place if we could just collectively stop combining those two beverages. It should also be mentioned that this is the spiced up version of steve's story. The original email just said "we broke uh lamp."
Great news for those of you who brush your teeth in the living room. The writer over at Microscopiq has found us a game that allows you to brush your teeth while monitoring a fish tank.
... ... Those tasks sounded more exciting before I wrote them out...
"The game involves keeping your character alive in a perilous fish tank. Only by brushing your teeth with the correct motion and making sure to cover every last tooth can you escape harm. The idea, of course, is that kids donk't do the greatest job of dental care so anything that helps them avoid rabbid tooth is goodness. Some might complain the game has little to do with the real-world task but that just earns extra charm points in my book."
Wii toe-nail clipping along with some sort of of Wii nose-hair trimming are the next logical choices. Maybe we can combine those with watching paint dry, or doing the dishes.
Remember back in the day when we showed you the PSA from Super78? It was funny... we laughed... ah, good times...
Well now they're back with a sequel in which they do pretty much exactly the same thing as last time. When you have a good thing, why mess with it I guess.
It looks like we're heading high rez for Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. Slated for a late 2007 release, Umbrella Chronicles is going to join the very small number of high resolution Wii titles.
"Capcom's senior director of strategic planning and research Christian Svensson has confirmed that Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles for Nintendo Wii will be presented in Expanded Definition 480p progressive scan and 16:9 widescreen. -Joystiq"
As much fun as it has been to see the launch and early titles come out, I'm pretty excited to see where all consoles will be at the end of the year. With developers finally having ample time to see what they can do with the console technology.
Interesting turn of events in the last couple of days regarding retailer Gamestop (not to be confused with Gamespot) and the persistent Wii shortages. During a discussion following the financial reports for Gamestop, COO Dan DeMatteo said that he believes Nintendo "intentionally dried up their supply because they made their numbers for the year" with the Nintendo Wii. Nintendo's new fiscal year begins April 1.
Today, Nintendo's George Harrison gave a response saying "No, that's not at all the case. We have worldwide territories that are all competing over the available production. The Japan and European markets are doing extremely well with the Wii. People in Japan at NCL [Nintendo Co. Ltd.] are making the best decisions that they can about which products get shipped to which market and when."
I think Nintendo is the one telling the truth this time. As clever as it sounds to "not make money today in order to make money in a few months," it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Althought the delay of opening up other worldwide markets in order to adequately supply your current ones would also seem to be a little smarter.
Freshly baked comic type stuff. How delicious. Comic Author Tim Buckley points out that even thought it's been a little while since the Wii name was announced, the innuendo never gets old. Never ever. Be sure to head over there and check out the comic in gloriously full resolution. CtrlAltDel-Online
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"Wii have a problem" is a blog focused on bringing you the latest trend in gaming violence. That of damage caused by "window lickers" who should not be participating in activity of any form... yet own a Wii. Why? Because we're fanboys that's why.
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